We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.
~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce
I would say 2019 was the harshest year I have ever encountered all my life, next was 2018. It made me almost pinned to the ground and very depressed because of two consecutive years of trials and challenges. It made me feel so unworthy, selfish, ugly, worthless – all negative things you can think about, I have felt it.
Each and every day in 2019 felt like I was walking on fire, taking each step carefully and fearfully. I wanted to cry but couldn’t since I didn’t want my loved ones to feel the same thing and feel the burden of what I was carrying. I have loved and gave everything but felt I did myself, and those I love, mistakes that I could no longer undo. I blamed myself too much that I lost all my self-esteem and confidence and felt so worthless why everything had happened to me all at the same time. Those were the times I thought that I was the most ill-starred person in the universe, up to a point I wanted to be gone and even almost lost my faith in God.
But as always, God had sent me several people and put me in situations I thought I won’t survive, but through his grace, I was able to. Those people who have been with me and those he recently sent my way made me discover more about my capabilities and worth, they made me realized that I am worthy of God’s grace and love – and I should start loving myself more. They didn’t give up on me and loved me and understood me in spite of all my shortcomings. And they kept instilling on my mind and heart, that I have, from now on, a little lady who depends on me and will follow my example. God made me look, through these people, at life on a different perspective now that I am a mom.
When I thought that everything fails, I learned that by simply being positive would make a difference. I just need to look at the blessings more than the hardships and it will make my days better. I have started liking myself more and I realized it felt really good. Things are getting better and there were times that when I thought I would lose my temper, I just listened to some worship songs and told myself it would be alright, I was amazed that I was able to pull through with such grace and confidence that I never felt hatred or anger towards those who hurt me but I felt forgiveness and pity to them. I saw myself in a much better situation and learned to accept the fact that most of the times, you just have to let go and move on without expecting any apologies from those people.
2019 may not be a very good year for me but it taught me a lot on life and love that I would have never imagined. It renewed my faith in God and gave me a new set of eyes to see the beauty of the world. I am now learning day by day, it is not easy, to be positive in all circumstances and never let any negative vibes enter my heart and mind.
And lastly, it taught me that I am no longer living for myself alone, I have my little one to love and cherish until the end of my days. She needs to see from me a strong woman with a positive outlook and full of optimism in life and knows that to be able to love others, she needs to love herself first.
Goodbye 2019, you taught me a lot!
Hello 2020! You will be a good year for us! We claim it through faith! 🎉🎉🎉