Our little Sky Saidie Rae is now 34 weeks!

During my early months of pregnancy, my fears were all about how healthy Sky will be. If only I can have an ultrasound every time I visit my OB-GYN just to assure myself that my baby is healthy – good heart rate, complete fingers and toes, limbs etc. I was like that until up to the 19th-week anomaly scan that assured me my baby is complete and no congenital issues.

When I reached the latter part of my second trimester, I was anxious to feel my baby move. I kept on waiting for her movements in my belly and even if I was assured that she is healthy, I still felt worried since I haven’t felt her moved until 24^th week (I have an anterior placenta so the OB said I won’t feel that much). I waited and waited until I can feel her constantly move on my 26^th week. I was relieved and excited that now I can play with her – when she kicks or moves, I will poke her on that same area and she will kick stronger, we will be like that for a good few minutes.

I don’t know if it’s a pregnancy woe that I am not satisfied if I don’t feel her move all the time. They said babies in the womb also have sleep cycles and I get worried if I am sitting quietly and she won’t be moving. I usually go home from my doctor’s appointment relieved and confident that my baby is okay but after a while, all those fears come back when I am alone.

I never had any of these early pregnancy sicknesses – vomiting, nausea etc – but when I reached my second trimester, I was diagnosed with several health issues. I have GD (Gestational Diabetes), mild anaemia, sciatica and a slight thyroid problem (I had hyperthyroidism prior to getting pregnant with Sky but became normal when I have her but still under strict monitoring and maintenance). So, I guess until I give birth, I will always have these worries about Sky’s condition in my tummy.

But as I go through my final weeks of pregnancy, the worry of labour and giving birth is getting stronger every day. I don’t know if I can manage the excruciating pain I kept on reading everywhere about moms giving birth, especially on their first babies. They said the average labour for firstborn is around 8-12 hours even up to 18 hours. I couldn’t get it off my mind as my due date is getting nearer. I know I can’t escape the reality of the pain of giving birth and I just have to be ready for it. They have said as well that a woman’s body is designed to fulfil this duty and is the essence of being a woman (I heard it in a Ms Universe Q&A!) that I shouldn’t worry about much.

I know I’m a worry-freak person and I overthink a lot. I know once I passed this stage of giving birth, another set of worries will take over. I just need reassurance almost every day that babies born or grow up with health issues are just a very small fraction of the population, and Sky will not be one of them. I just have to take care of her well for her to live a happy and healthy life.

With all the worries now, I still haven’t decided if I will be brave and go all-natural (no medicines like an epidural) or have me induced before my due date. I guess I’ll have to cross the bridge when I get there!

For now, I just have to manage all the pains and inconveniences this little angel is giving me. The worst part for me is the constant irritability and being short-tempered to those people I encounter every day. I just have to remind myself that it’s all in the mind and people won’t immediately understand you at first instance.

I just have to look at it at the brighter side that these will all pass and I need to look forward to seeing my little Moroccan tagine in a few weeks. 👶👶👶