Feelings of the Unexpected

Pregnancy? Baby? Motherhood? Marriage? Wife?

Naaaahhhh. Not in my immediate plan.

I even have doubts if I can bear a child due to my health issues. It has never crossed my mind.

It was the 1st of June. Ordinary Friday.

I noticed some of my pants were getting tighter and my blouses no longer fit me in the chest area. Maybe I thought I was just eating a lot these past few months and was taking thyroid medications so I gained some pounds. Anyway, I needed a new set of clothes to wear as well, something for our company Iftar dinner in 2 days so I decided to buy new ones.

Off to the mall and went straight to H&M for some items on sale. Grab around 3-4 blouses, 2 dresses and a pair of mary janes. I remembered not feeling well, I felt dizzy, so I went in a hurry to finish it so I could find a place to eat.

I saw a pharmacy as I walked out of the store and decided to check it out since I needed to refill my vitamins. As I was looking at the shelves, I just grabbed 3 PT (pregnancy test) kits and added to my cart. Really, I don’t have any idea until now why I did it. I just felt that I wanted to try and experiment with it.

I found a place to eat but it was full so I decided to have it taken away and eat at home. My head was killing me, another bout of a migraine, so I wanted to go home as soon as I can. The place was so full it took me an hour and a half to receive my food (the staff were fast, it was really just unfortunate the queue was outrageous!).

As soon as I was home, all those food I ordered and was looking forward to eating earlier, suddenly no longer enticing to me. The food was good but my appetite was gone and all I wanted was to rest especially I was still experiencing a headache. Then something popped into my mind! I wanted a full body massage!

Just around 200 meters away from our house is a Thai Massage Spa. It had been a few months since the last time I had a body massage so I believed it was time to have one again and relieve my stress. One hour of hard massage was a bliss and it relaxed me so much.

As I got home and prepared for bed, I decided to check out the PT kit I bought. I think I felt excited because I’ll get to try and see how to use them but nothing else. I had no doubt in my mind that I was not pregnant. I didn’t feel anything off like the usual pregnancy issues women have like morning sickness or whatnots.

As I followed the instructions, I knew it will only give me one line to indicate there was nothing. But as the line became distinct, and it was where it shouldn’t be (the place for positive), I started getting anxious. When I was sure it was done testing, I opened the second packet and tried it again, and it gave the same result — I am pregnant!

Suddenly my body went numbed and I remembered having different emotions — happy, confused, nervous, etc. I told my friend about it and she too was astounded as we were really not expecting this. First, I always thought I have PCOS that will make childbearing difficult and second, I was taking contraceptive pills.

I told my boyfriend about it as well over the phone and he too was shocked and speechless. We were both not yet ready for this that’s why we did all the necessary precautions. However, as they say, expect the unexpected and if God does something, nothing is impossible. I know I had to give him time for the information to sink in and absorb everything.

I didn’t know but I suddenly cried a lot that night, I had a lot to worry — work, family, the baby, our relationship, my status in this country — it was all mixed emotions that I couldn’t bear I just had to cry it all out. I felt so alone at that time and I know that I can only rely on my own.

As most people say, discovering pregnancy should be a joyous moment. Well, maybe for those who have been waiting for it for so long but for those who never expected it, it will definitely be a shock at first. Mostly, the couples will think about the issues they will face with the pregnancy — work, families, finances etc.

I am lucky that my then-boyfriend (now ex-husband), after some time of thinking (he was in Morocco that time), agreed to continue my pregnancy. I have friends who are like my family here in Doha who have been with me all along. After some time of confusions and worries, we settled everything and the pregnancy woes is now distant and everyone is waiting for the arrival of our little princess in winter. She is now a source of joy and excitement for us and I know she will grow up to be a good and kind-hearted person that’s why we called her SKY. Sun free icon

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