My Feelings..

“When you open up to love, you must be open to getting hurt as well. If you expect to love someone, and not have the disappointment every now and then, then you don’t want love, you want something perfect. And good luck finding that.”

~ DeAndre Carswell

How and when do you feel hurt? Sometimes it’s no longer a question of who hurt you but instead why do they do that?

They say that once you started loving someone, you are making yourself prone to be hurt by the other person. You trust them too much not to hurt you but because of that, sometimes small things that they do that hurt you get unnoticed. Small things that most of the time they don’t really matter for the other person but for you it’s a big deal. But you can’t tell them because, from your end, you don’t want to hurt them.

I am not looking for a perfect relationship. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship and little arguments here and there make both of you grow. I know I am new to all of these and I need a little understanding. I need to know what should be done and what shouldn’t so we both don’t hurt each other and end up sad and disappointed. I just want to be open and for me being open is to tell you things happening to me.

I know you are matured enough and have seen the world more than I do. That’s why I am depending on you for now. I am like a bird that has just recently been sent out from its cage and still doesn’t know how to live in the wilderness. I need someone to guide me and understand me until I can fly on my own. Don’t worry, I am a fast learner baby.

But I also want to know how you feel. What you really want to say. You said before that if you don’t like something you would tell me so we can work it out. Then why is it that if it concerns your feelings and mine, you tend to show a strong facade and tell me it’s okay? Why is it then that it is too much obvious that you don’t like it yet you still give me the go signal and say do it?

I don’t want both of us to be possessive of each other and tell what the other should do or not. But I also want to be cared for and a little hold of those arms won’t hurt me. You have been out there for so long and you know exactly the ins and outs of this life and I want you to teach me that. I have been alone for so long and I want to feel that someone owns me. I want you to handle me with care but let me feel you own me.

I don’t mind being hurt by you, it is part of loving someone. I know you never intend that and I know I am starting to fill that part of your heart little by little. But as I start filling that hole in your heart, I am also hoping that I start hearing those words if you can.. It assures me that you are really mine. Sometimes, even if we show how we feel through our actions, it still needs a seal, an affirmation.

A simple gesture of a hug means a thousand words but an I Love You every now and then also means a lot.

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