“Pain is inevitable; Suffering is optional..”

~ Haruki Murakami

As the quote says if you are hurt, feeling the pain is inescapable. You can’t run from it, you can’t hide from it. It will consume you to the deepest parts of your soul until you wish to die.

Pain is pain. You can’t explain it but you know it’s there. You can’t be hurt without feeling pain. They go together all the time. They are what you call “partners in crime”.

But suffering is different. It is a choice. After feeling the pain of being betrayed and being hurt, you have the choice whether to continue feeling the pain or move on with your life. That part which you want to stay in pain is what we now call ‘suffering’.

You can either stay be in pain and suffer or try to stand up even if you are wounded. Suffering will only hurt you more. To think that the other person is already moving on to his life and here you are still not letting go of what had happened in the past. Still has some hopes of being back together..

How long will you say that the pain has become suffering? How would you know that it is far beyond your control?

To be honest, I don’t know.. I am still grieving and pain is still my friend these past few days.. I don’t know when should I stop and enjoy the beauty of life once again.. To see the positive side of my existence. To feel that joy inside of me and have the motivation to face the world.

One week? One month? One year? I hope not. I am trying my best to fight whatever sadness is within me. To kill that monster of loneliness and free my soul from its lures of emptiness. I am not a warrior myself but I’ll try to break free from all of this. It isn’t healthy, it isn’t fun.

Going into a new relationship is never an option. It will be unfair both to me and the new guy. A mistake can’t be corrected by another mistake. I have to give my heart a time to heal. Getting into a new relationship is like putting BandAid on the wound which will make things worse.

I don’t really know what exactly to do, to be honest. I am completely lost in this big empty hole in my heart. I am in a space where the Black Hole is trying to suck me into the darkness.