Not What They Always Seem..

“Please remember: things are not what they seem.” ― Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
 
And he is 100% correct. ;-P
 
I love the novels of Haruki Murakami as he tackles the side of life most people won’t want to touch – depression, loneliness and alienation. He has this courage to speak his mind though he knew that the country where he is born is somehow traditional and conservative in their views. And because of that, he was able to go out of his own box and comfort zone. He became known not only in Japan but all over the whole world because of his works and his quotes are widely used as inspiration.

 
Going back, the quote above is so real to me and it doesn’t only apply to things but people too. People are not what they always seemed to be. As they say, there are always two sides of a coin and humans are not an exception. No matter how nice or kind they may seem, there would always be a darker side of them. Maybe not that dark that you will be frightened, but enough to surprise you and make you more curious.
 
People love to show their best behaviours in front of others – everybody does. We love to show our greatest assets or traits and then as much as we can, try to hide those we think will ruin or stain our image. It’s normal, it’s human nature. We can’t blame people for doing that because it is also one key to survival. The more you don’t know anything about someone, the more he poses a threat or be more interesting.
 
But sometimes, even if people already know there’s a threat waiting, they still tend to dip their fingers on it. It is also human nature – curiosity. It gives us thrill and excitement of getting closer to the unknown and how it would affect us. Would it be beneficial to us or would it have a great impact that could change the course of our lives? I know I am a type of person who doesn’t like taking risks and would rather stay on the safe side, but there are times that the adrenalin kicks in. I’d definitely take the plunge and, see what happens when I get there.
 
These past few weeks, I have made decisions again based on my emotions. Most of them I would say I really didn’t think it over and hastily made the move. I didn’t care because that was my feelings then, I was feeling okay and curious. And I would do everything just to find out more about it. And I guess, I found the answer at the end. It also satiated my curiosity and was able to go back to my old self. That was my biggest fear when I took the risk – for me to change into someone I am not and never thought I would be.
 
For more than a month, I would say I was not the same Zai my friends knew. I was living a double life. I was smiling at people and laughing with them but at the same time, I was feeling confused and lonely inside. Or, I was keeping quiet and aloof yet inside I was conspiring to do the unfathomable. At that time, I felt like a Russian spy or an award-winning theatre actress, hiding my real emotions and acting as if nothing was wrong.
 
Everybody has a secret.
 I thought I would enjoy it for quite some time since I got nothing to lose and more to gain. But eventually, the excitement faded. As soon as my curiosity was satiated and my questions answered, the anticipation and pleasure stopped. As if they were just there to help me understand myself more. I had no regrets though; I gained something and learned from it. It is something I’ll keep in my memories forever, something pleasant but not enough for me to indulge in it again.
 
It is not a crime to commit mistakes. It happens all the time to everyone. And if it helps satisfy our needs and curiosity, well, uh, less guilt. Just make sure to learn from it and know your limits. Know when and where to stop. If you know that it’s starting to hurt you or your self-esteem is going down, it’s time to get out and move on when it is not yet too late. You don’t know what might happen next. Even if you thought you know what to expect…
 
“Please remember: things are not what they seem.”
 
**Featured Image by Pexels

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