Here I go again.. Feeling exhausted.. Tired.. And empty.. Why? Why do I have to feel this when I decided to get rid of it a long time ago? Why does it have to haunt me and give me this depressing feeling?

I know.. All along I am just in denial of how I really feel.. I’m trying to suppress everything I could and decided that, instead of receiving the pain from another person, I’d rather hurt myself in the process.. That I can handle it without anyone’s help.. And I don’t wish to burden anyone with my problems.. They won’t understand me anyway.. They’ll think it’s just too shallow and senseless..

They would never understand all the fear and frustrations I have inside.. The longing, the dreams and fantasies I am trying to brush off because I know nothing of those will come true.. That, if for others, it’s just like kids stuff..

I am trying to understand myself too if this thing is just temporary and would eventually fade in time.. I have been like this for months now–not really knowing what to do, where to go and who to talk to.. I have tried asking for help but it seems that help has hidden itself from me as well.. Telling me that I should take care of this on my own..

But how? Hide in the mountains? Escape to Africa? Move to outer space? Dive into the depths of the earth? Anywhere would do, just make me invisible.. Or make this feeling gone.. Sometimes, I just want to die.. For all of these to be finished.. Maybe if I’ll be gone from this world, I can help it to be a better place, one less unimportant and lovelorn soul..

But even doing that, I am afraid.. I am afraid that I’ll offend God.. I’ll disapppoint those people who think that I am worth it.. Am I? I couldn’t feel it..

I’m in the brink of my understanding and patience.. If I am worth it, they why? Why is this happening to me? Am I gonna be forever like this? If this is true, my God, please, take my heart out and my emotions and let me live like the undead.. Don’t let me feel this emptiness and loneliness.. I don’t want to pretend that I am happy and contented when I am not.. That I am ok, yet inside, my heart is already wrecked into pieces..

No, I am not ok.. I am cut into million pieces.. And I don’t know if someone can still save me..


Remembering Mama..

Today should have been Mama’s 65th birthday if she was still alive..

A strict but a loving mom who never failed to give us words of wisdom based on her past experiences.. I could still remember how she spanked me whenever I did something wrong then would asked me later why she did that to me.. My mom who always told us that we could get whatever we want once we started working and just enjoy the simple things we had then..

She never ever went to my school during meetings but will definitely rush there if she knew someone bullied us.. She also never went up the stage to accompany me on my recognition days.. She hated being the center of attention and being in the crowd, that was what she said.. But once we got home, we were welcomed by sumptuous dishes she tirelessly prepared..

She was a woman of faith.. Though she seldom attended Mass, she never failed to teach us about our faith and encouraged us to get involve to Church activities.. Being very strict and all, but when it came to our Catholic faith, she would said yes.. I came to love my faith because of her..

My mom was never a showy person.. She always tried to show a brave face even on her last moments.. She was a very strong woman.. She tried to fight her sickness but knew when she had to give up herself to God..

I miss my Mama so much and I still cry whenever I remember her.. Maybe even if we already accepted the fact that she can no longer be with us, the pain of longing is still there and will remain forever.. But that feeling, I would never exchange for anything, as it makes me a better person because I know Mama is there watching my back..

I Love You, Mama.. Happy Birthday..

We Love You Mama.. We Miss You..

Tacloban City — Foodie Haven

I was in Tacloban on September 14-17, just wanna get out of the busy city for a while.. I was supposed to be with my sister Mimie but she didn’t join due to some prior commitments at work..

Before coming to Tacloban, I already read some information about the city and since I love food, I also looked for good places to eat.. I wasn’t disappointed because Tacloban is a foodie haven.. They got places worthy to visit — from family diners, cozy cafés to exquisite cuisine restos.. So, that added to my excitement..

When I arrived there, I didn’t know anyone or any place to go.. I had my lunch in a mall, at Shakey’s.. Just wanted to have a quick lunch so I decided to go there.. I had a Chicken ‘n Salad plate, House Blended Tea and Banana Split for my dessert.. It was such a wonderful lunch.. Yum yum..

The following day, I had my lunch at Guiseppe’s Ristorante because according to reviews, this is one of the best in Tacloban owned by a Filipina and Italian couple.. So we can be assured that they are serving authentic Italian dishes..

I ordered Baked Scallops (Php150), Seafood Marinara (Php250), Garlic Bread (Php50) and Mango Juice.. The pasta is almost good for two people and the taste is heavenly! Even if I’m not used to big servings of food, I managed to finished it! Baked Scallops would always be my favorite anywhere I go.. I liked theirs but maybe was a little bit salty for me.. Garlic Bread was crunchy at first bite but as you continue on, the softness and flavor of the bread was just blissful..


Though my lunch on that Sunday afternoon was a little bit pricey, I was happy because of that wonderful gastronomic experience.. The ambience of the place is classy yet homey and I even got to connect to Facebook because of their fast Wi-Fi access.. All-in-all, I loved it..


I always love coffee.. I love Starbucks so much I can have as much as four Hot White Chocolate Mocha in a day.. Hehehe..

When I was in Tacloban, I was looking for Café Urbana, a coffee shop that also serves full meals.. Their address said Sto. Niño Street so I left my hotel around 6PM just to be on time for dinner.. I was planning to have coffee after a light meal and just chill around..

I walked along Sto. Niño Street as well on the next street but I couldn’t find Café Urbana.. I asked locals but they were not familiar of it too.. I knew that it may be hard to look for as it was mentioned online that it is just a hole-in-the-wall, but I didn’t expect that all locals I asked, they were unaware of its whereabouts.. I even rode a tricycle and the driver, an old man with his wife, helped me looked for it until they told me to try Jose Karlo’s Café infront of the Church.. They said their daughter is working there and it’s a well-known café in the area.. Actually, I’ve read about the place too and has good reviews but I was planning to go there the following day..


I decided to just go in and try their coffee and sweets.. I ordered Iced Mocha (always love mocha!) and a slice of Almond Ganache.. I noticed that the place it so cozy.. The place is filled with collectibles like a Christmas Village and some toys that I think were from overseas.. Easy listening music was playing in the background and you’d feel you want to stay there forever.. The only concern for me then was that, they didn’t have Wi-Fi access when I checked it.. I don’t know if they really do have but was just down or didn’t have it all..

I liked the iced coffee and the cake and cozy feeling the place gave but i was already really hungry and I needed something heavy.. I asked the locals on the other table if they knew Café Urbana but again, to no avail.. They told me that there’s a good place just a few meters from there and they highly recommend it..


I walked my way going to Uncle Sam.. It was just around the corner from Jose Karlo’s and I didn’t lose my way as the place was quite noticeable from afar.. Once you entered it, you’ll know that it is a family restaurant as the place has this comfy ambience.. The walls were decorated with film posters and lit well enough.. Also, it is child-friendly that parents can bring their kids to have their lunch or dinner there..

I was surprised with the prices when the waiter handed me their menu.. I was expecting a higher price for the food as they are known to serve steaks and burgers, but their prices are affordable..


I ordered Uncle Sam’s Baby Back Ribs (Php195), changed the rice to mashed potato (+Php25) and Twinings Peppermint Iced Tea (Php85).. I loved the Baby Back Ribs, the meat was tender and succulent.. Yum yum! The mashed potato was good too and the consistency was just enough for me.. The tea was rich in flavor as well, for some, they may not so like the leafy taste of it, but for me, that’s how a real tea should be.. I enjoyed my dinner and felt so full for just Php305 on my bill.. Hehe.. Loved Uncle Sam..


On my last day in Tacloban, I met up with a good friend and she recommended that we should eat at Ocho Grill.. A restaurant where you will be the one to choose the ingredients and tell them how you wanted it to be cooked.. Both of us wanted some soup so we requested Pork Sinigang for Php140.. Then, we also had veggies and cooked it as Chopseuy with quail eggs for Php135.. We also had Buttered Prawns for Php187.. Two cups of rice, Mango juice for her and Watermelon Shake for me.. She had an Oreo Fudge Cake and Crème Brûlée for me.. Our bill was around Php900 but we were so full and the cooking was great!!


My overall gastronomic experience in Tacloban was superb and I’ll defnitely go back and enjoy other places the city has to offer when it comes to food..