I’m nearing my 30th birthday and I would say I am way beyond the marrying age (should be around 25, right?).. This is the age where I no longer believe in fairytale-like love stories and, as they say, “reality bites”–no such thing as fairytales, only in the books.. Sorry to burst your bubbles, peeps!
When I was still a little girl, I dreamt of meeting my true love in a somehow magical way (haha!) — I’d be in a place I’ve never been before then as I looked around, I’d meet the guy’s eyes and from there, it would be love at first sight! Then, we would be so in love that from the time we met, we’re inseparable–high school, college, until we have our own careers.. Planned for our future and would decide to get married eventually, have kids and grow old together..
Wouldn’t that be magical? I didn’t know then that those things only happen in the movies or in the books.. That, for you to be able to find love, you have to be brave, learn from mistakes, take risks.. Which, I wouldn’t dare do again..
If you have invested all your emotions to someone and it didn’t work out, you’ll feel exhausted and you’ll start building this high wall–brick by brick–not for anyone who dares to enter, but instead, it is built for yourself not to experience the pains and sufferings again (well, for me, that was the reason). You’ll also have something in your heart that somehow controls it whenever you feel attracted to someone (like a remote control!?).. Yah yah, right.. I sound like a very bitter, devastated woman.. Hmmm.. Maybe.. I don’t know..
Is that how people would describe a woman like me? A woman who is so frightened to take any risks because she might fall for the wrong person again? Someone who, once she falls in love, holds back her feelings and let the ‘what ifs’ hanging? Or simply just because she hates rejection?
Whatever the reason I may have behind my mind (I really don’t know the exact reason!), for now, I already accepted the fact that I may stay single forever.. That God sometimes doesn’t provide partners to other people and are destined to follow a different path in life.. I am still yet to discover what really God has prepared for me but I am praying that someday, somehow, He will take away this fear I have and will take courage to jump onto the other side of the fence not being afraid of whatever I may discover..